Coffee...Nearly Perfect for Washing Down Gato-Molé

OPINIONS
I came across a local news article this morning, and I think the idiot writer has reached a new low. The article itself is not particularly intersting or newsworthy, but the headline is at issue. How do you steal "nearly" 10 atv's? What is this thing that news reporters have about scaling-up everything that happens? I guess stealing NINE atv's wouldn't sound nearly sensational enough to get us all in a lather.

I see or hear this type of reporting more often than not, and it always gives me a giggle...until I think about how this may affect us, and have no wonder why sensationalistic reporters feel the need to do such a thing.

As we take in the news of the day, little-by-little we become desensitized to life around us. We need more grandiose things to happen before we pay attention. When I was a kid, it used to be newsworthy when a person was killed - each and every one of them (and this was in Chicago!). Now it's only newsworthy when nearly 10 or more are killed (see what I did there?). So I guess the poor schmuck who has 2 atv's stolen out of his garage can just get over it. We don't care anymore.

Now, don't waste my time with any more news about atv thefts, unless there are nearly 20.

COFFEE
I really have come to enjoy coffee since moving to the northwest. There are coffee kiosks on every corner, and one point in downtown Salem has THREE Starbucks within 50 yards...all visible at the same time. Starbucks is like the Wal-Mart of coffee, but, since this is about GOOD coffee, I won't mention Starbucks anymore.

I enjoyed coffee in Phoenix, though I was but a child. I did not know how complex and different each coffee could be. I generally tried to buy Fair Trade coffee (please read the Starbucks section of that link...OOPS, sorry) when it was available, but it was difficult to find.

Then we found Trader Joe's and and I took my first step out of the crib. I left behind Folgers or Maxwell House, or whatever came in a can and crawled over to the bean selections at TJ's. Yes! I'm a man! Today I will GRIND MY OWN BEANS! Sure, the cost was comparatively exorbitant, but the quality difference was astounding. Instead of paying $5/lb for some crap coffee/dirt/animal dust-in-a-can, I could pay $12/lb for real fair-trade coffee.

I was wrong, though...I wasn't a man. I was still wet behind the ears. But over the past many months I've come a bit more of age, and will share a great secret with you: 

You can easily roast your own coffee at home!

And this is where I tell you why and how you should.  First the why...I can buy green beans from a local importer (local = good) that are certified organic and fair trade for UNDER $5/lb. If you buy enough, it can drop to under $4/lb.

Did you guys know that coffee has a gourmet rating scale much the same as wine, with a 0-100 rating scale. I doubt you'll ever see a 10 rating, that might be like drinking tea made from dog poop filtered through Ozzie Osburne's underwear. The coffee I can buy for under $5/lb is always 90+, which is world-class good coffee.

Here is the how...there are several great methods, depending on your desired level of involvement.

You can use a pro coffee roaster. Expect to pay $300+, but have a fire-and-forget experience. Or roast beans on the stove-top. This is the most labor intensive, but Jack feels it is nearly the most rewarding. Silly Jack.  You can even use an air popcorn popper, but be careful, there are two types of poppers. One will work fine, the other may burn down your house.

I use the cheapskate method - a toaster oven and vegetable steamer basket.  Anything you use to roast the beans needs to have holes to allow heat to reach all around the beans.  1/8" is about the largest hole diameter to consider if you don't want the beans falling through.

Most toaster ovens top out at about 450 degrees, which is plenty but takes longer to roast. Roasting at 450 degrees takes about 25 minutes, while roasting at 500 degrees can drop that to nearer 10-12 minutes.

So...it puts the beans into the basket (it does this whenever it's told). Be sure to spread the beans out and keep them at roughly 1/2 maximum depth, and leave space at the edges since the beans expand.  This will equal roughly 1/2 pound of coffee. Keep a long handled wooden spoon and a pot holder handy.  BE SURE YOU ARE IN A WELL VENTILATED AREA. A good stove exhaust vent should be plenty.

Set the toaster oven at max temp and set the timer for about 25-28 minutes. After about 15 minutes (@450 deg) you should return to start watching the beans.

At this point you will start to hear a loud pop.  This is called "first crack" and is caused by the oils in the bean heating up and expanding.  This "splits" the bean, giving you the distinct popping sound. When the beans are into a steady first crack, and they've picked up a "woody" light brownish-green color, stir them around once with the wooden spoon to expose more beans to the oven heat.

As the beans begin to reach a darker brown, there will be a much faster, but softer popping sound. This is called "second crack" and is the sound of the outer husk popping loose from the bean. This husk is called "chaff" and is very papery. You are now at a "medium" roast. Learn about the attributes of different roasts here or here.

Peek in at the coffee until it is the color you like. Now comes the fun...using the pot holder, remove the basket and pour the beans into a container (like a bowl), plus have an additional container handy. I use two 8", long-handled strainers that I bought at a dollar-type store for $6 each.

Now...step outside, preferably into a breeze and slowly pour the beans back and forth between the two bowls or strainers. This does two things - it cools the beans (the oils will keep cooking the beans and make them darker) and it allows the chaff to blow away in the breeze. As the beans cool to room temperature, the aroma of the coffee will start to come through. While the beans are hot, you still smell the burning of the husk.

The finished product should look like the picture at left. Purists will cry foul about the variation in color, but I enjoy the complexity it adds - and I can't afford a $500 coffee roaster. Roasting smaller batches will give you a more even roast.

Coffee beans will stay fresh for about 6 days at room temperature - never refrigerate or freeze beans, it drys out the oils and ruins the flavor - unless you LIKE Starbucks coffee (oops). Keep them in a closed container at room temperature.

Now here's the kicker. Do you like macadamia, hazelnut, or amaretto (almond) flavors in your coffee? If you do, then roast some RAW nuts along with the beans and grind them up into the coffee. Careful, though...many nuts have alot of oils and will clog your grinder. I prefer to grind the raw nuts in a food processor and then roast the ground product in a flat pan, to add to the coffee grounds when I want to brew those flavors.

So go forth and roast! Take control of what you eat and drink, you work hard enough and owe it to yourself. The "man" spends enough time making life difficult, I certainly refuse to suffer through terrible food  from McDonald's (is that really "food?") or crappy brew from you-know-nearly-where. Peace!